Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Saturday, 16 February 2013

Who Will Watch The Watchers?

Religion is one of the most ambiguous things in the world, perhaps, even more confusing than the universe itself. I’m not a Muslim, neither am I well-read when it comes to Islam so I won’t be writing anything about it. The bible on the other hand, is as confusing as they come.
People see what they expect to see, what they want to see, my sister tasted chocolate in a cake that contained only a meager amount of brownie, after I told her there was chocolate flavor in it. What I’m implying here is that, we see what we want to see in the bible, most of the time, what we are told to see. There are thousands of factions in Christianity and almost all interpret the bible in different ways. My problem however is not with the bible, no. My problem is with our religious leaders.
If one is an ardent follower of our religious leaders, especially the ones abroad, one would find that there are thousands more reasons to be an atheist than to believe in Christ. I mean, religion has been used as a tool to carry out various evil deeds. Pope Nicholas V said God told him in a dream that it was permissible for Christians to “buy and sell heathens” to encourage slavery, Pope Alexander I actually endorsed slavery. Even in Nigeria, Catholicism was used by the early colonialists as a means to enslave us. When one considers all these, it’s very easy to assume that Christianity was thought up to make the less privileged submit to the will of the elite.
Back to Nigeria, it is common knowledge that our pastors now live large with fleets of jet and exotic cars while amassing unbelievable net worth. Our lovely Christian leaders, who are more interested in their titles (Arch Bishop, Bishop, Professor and even Evangelist-Apostle) than in the well-being of their members and the citizens of the country at large. These leaders who interpret the bible to fulfill their own interests, leaders who extort their followers through offerings, tithes, donations, seeds, thanksgiving offerings, faith seed, love offering  and so many other bizarre ways by promising them eternity.
My brother says that a pastor is human, that a pastor is just like everyone else and should be allowed to enjoy the good things of life. My friend says a pastor is in fact supposed to enjoy the good things of life because he’s a servant of the Lord. Well, I disagree; I do not believe that a pastor is like everyone else and should be allowed or is supposed to live life to the fullest. I believe that as a religious leader, a minimalistic approach should be taken; one should give endlessly and outrageously and not own a fleet of over-the-top expensive cars. I read recently that a pastor in another country gives all his wealth at the end of every year, even Warren Buffet who is said to be agnostic is known to give out endlessly while our pastors here are striving to be included in the Forbes’s List of Billionaires.
Saw a comment by the Christian Association of Nigeria and I just laughed out loud, it is quite obvious that the CAN has lost its way, or what does “We must state that unlike others, Christians do not shed blood, take life, kill or maim others at the slightest provocation. Nevertheless, we must warn el-Rufai not to take Christians for granted and to inform him that it is with great difficulty that that we have had to restrain our youths from taking the law into their hands; which by extension means bringing el-Rufai to justice on account of his incitement and insult against the Christian faith” mean?! I mean, they have decided to stoop so low to start condemning Islam while at the same time, threaten a fellow human? What makes the matter even worse is the issue on which the above statement was released.
This is the issue that the Christian Association of Nigeria has decided to tackle while ignoring the corruption of our leaders who come to our church and kneel on alters. But as I usually say, what do I know? I'm just a bloody undergraduate. All-in-all, I just hope people open their eyes and begin to question the injustice brought upon us by those who are supposed to be helping us, and like the famous saying goes "Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?"

Tuesday, 25 December 2012


         One question I always ask a particular ridiculous friend of mine is “who sets these standards?” From the look of things, this write-up will be quite similar to IT’S A GAY WORLD, because that’s what Nigerians say every time you do something that is quite different from the “norm” and the crap everyone is used to.
   A few days ago, I tweeted “Taylor Swift’s new album is amazing” and the loooooovely reply I got was, as usual, “YOU’RE GAY!” *sighs* I thought to myself, does the music I listen to define my sexuality? I was very confused so I decided to throw the question out to the general public (just a few hundred followers actually) and the dude who commented on the previous tweet replied again and said “yes, listening to Taylor Swift, especially if it’s the whole album”.
   My Subgroup head in my fellowship wears these very skinny skinnies, he even has this very blue one that’s brighter than the skies ۳( º̩̩́_º̩̩̀)۳ , he passed by me and a friend of mine this fateful day and my sadly ignoramus of a friend asked if my oga was gay (Oga Godson if you’re reading this, I’m really sorry, please don’t punish meL) (yayy! I didn’t know Microsoft word had smileys J L hehehe). Then the next question my friend asked that why would a fellowship executive wear skinnies not to talk of a colorful one, that what example is he setting for the members of the fellowship?
   A particular night, a friend tweeted (yes, I have very ignorant friends :’[) something like how guys shouldn’t be listening to slow songs, that songs like that are meant for girls, so my humble self asked that does that mean we can’t listen to songs by Adele, Usher, Rihanna or even Chris Brown. The reply I got, which was still shocking despite the fact that I expected it, was “yes”.
    One of the adults at the church I attend at home asked what fellowship I was attending in school, when I told her, she told me that I must leave my fellowship and that I should attend the fellowship of our church, or I should attend TACSFON or Baptist Student Fellowship. That my fellowship is a new generation church and that I wasn’t going to grow spiritually.
    It’s funny how people who do not matter tend to have daunting influence on the day-to-day decisions we take, like, the way we dress, our speech, and so many other things. How you are judged for not being “current”, for not dressing fly and shii, by people who should not even have a say in our lives, people who should be tied to a huge rock and thrown in the ocean ( ˘˘̯) .
   That’s where the ultimate question comes in, WHO SETS THESE STANDARDS? Who says I should not listen to Adele if I’m a guy? That my very straight, very diligent, and very spiritual Oga shouldn’t put on very colorful and bright jeans? I’m very confused.
   I remember a day I was reading an article online where they were asking musicians their favorite album of the year 2011, and a very bad-boyish, straight head of a rock band said Adele’s 21, that when he’s on his motorcycle, he plugs his earpiece in his ears and just tunes out. If you dare say that in our dear country, they’ll call you gay for the rest of your dear life. I admit, I’m not the ‘manliest’ of guys, but c’mon! How does the kind of music I listen to determine if I like to dish it out to guys??? Just how??? People, please, the way we dress or the music we listen to doesn’t necessarily reflect our sexuality!
   And I may not be the most spiritual person around, but telling me to leave my fellowship because it’s new and automatically judging that I’d grow spiritually because a fellowship says girls shouldn’t put on trousers is just plain wrong! Is it not the same God? What’s the guarantee that I’ll even grow at all? Well, I’ll leave with my three favorite words (no, not “are you retarded?”) IT IS WELL.

Sunday, 15 July 2012

The Damned Routine

I must warn you that this post is going to be long compared to others that I've written, that's just cause I'm feeling really crappy, listening to sad songs and trying to just write away my feelings.

   Life is usually monotonous yeah? I mean, we usually have everything planned out for us, from primary school to secondary school to the university, and then we go for youth service, then we start working, earn six - eight figures, and then we get married, give birth, then our children start the miserable routine all over again while we whither and die. That's how it usually is nah, shey?
   They how come I have absolutely no idea where my life is headed, not one! Do I go for the youth service or go for my masters? And after that what next sef? And do I really want to be an Estate Surveyor and Valuer? HAHA! It was all my father's idea not mine. Is this all? Is this all life has to offer? I have absolutely no idea, I don't want to "get a job" because it's next on the list, I want to get a job when I feel like! Why can't I continue living with my very accommodating father? He won't mind.

   You see, I am considered weird in some factions, because, well, I'm kinda different, I think I am, 'cause I've heard my friends having normal conversations with other people and it sounds nothing like a "normal" conversation with me, so maybe it's 'cause I'm different........... kinda.

   So maybe that's why these strange thoughts are passing through my head, I'm one of those people who wants to make a living doing what they love, but I'm not a writer, I mean, I write, I love writing, some people claim I'm good at it even though I do not think so, but that doesn't necessarily make me a writer. I've read blogs, articles and all kinda stuffs and I've seen real writers write while I read and get goose bumps all over, I'm pretty sure no one gets goose bumps reading any of my works, and besides, I don't use all the big words, satires and other stuffs real writers use, so yes, I clearly don't have a future in writing.
     I want to work at a radio station, I love that, sounds fun yeah? And I hear it's really lucrative now, you just ask Toolz and N6, and I speak English fluently and I also listen to music like crazy, problem is, well, so do hundreds of other people with more "americanized" voices and way better nicknames, I mean, I may speak fluent English, but certainly not "americanized", and I hate parties! God! I feel really uncomfortable around strangers, really, I'm a chronic loner. So that's it, that's all, what else do I love doing? Dancing? Haha! Let's not even go there.

      And MARRIAGE! That's next in line yeah? That's what we usually do after securing a good job, haha! Marriage!
Let me just clarify before I clarify, It's not that I don't believe in marriage, I do, I mean, I'm a good christian & a very spiritual one at that, the problem however is what the society has turned the concept of marriage into, you see, like I stated earlier, I'm a loner, a chronic one, I absolutely love being alone, I hate stress! The problem with marriage is simple...... Women nag, a lot, most of you will deny that you don't, but considering that I've had two mothers, a big mummy, and several aunties, I know better, and I hate being nagged. Besides, the concept of sticking to one person for the rest of my surely-to-be-very-long life? AHHHH! E hard small!!! I'm not promiscuous, oh no, I've done that thing fewer times than the number of goals Torres has scored in Chelsea, but it just sounds so damn difficult, I want children tho, plenty, I love children, and no, I'm not a pedophile.
   Another problem is, I don't want to grow old, no, I don't want to live forever "perhaps the best news I've heard about life is that it ends" (thanks Sam), yes I want to live long, very long! But I don't want to grow old, I don't want to have wrinkles, lose my close to perfect hearing abilities, my already rapidly-declining eyesight,  I want to be young forever, not forever, just for the rest of my life.

     So yes, you see my predicament, my "issues", what's on my mind. But I'm almost certain we all have the same issues, that we all have something like this going through our minds, and we'll just do what everyone else has been doing about it, NOTHING! We'll just follow the damned routine.


Friday, 6 July 2012



I'm a student (durhh), I hate school (double durhhh).
Yayy that was funny.
I'm sorry, I'm silly, I know.

     Yes! 99% of us hate school, very much, classes at least if not the school itself. And the remaining 1%? Well...... they're dead.
       I personally hate school an awful lot (I use "awful lot" an awful lot don't you think), no I'm not lazy, I mean, okay maybe I am, but that's not why, from Primary to Secondary to this damned shithole called a University.
         I had mad fun in primary school, I don't remember any of it tho so I'll just move on. But it's me, I must have had mad ass fun, pretty sure I would have hated it anyways 'cause it's school (triple durhhhh).
        Secondary school *sighs* MAD FUN!!!!! Had the craziest friends ever, did the craziest things, (I'll fill you guys in one day don't worry). Thing is, amidst all the "mad fun", I still hated it, why? My teachers were angels from hell! They used to flog the living daylights out of me, and I wasn't stubborn oo, oh no, *dusts halo*, they were just mean and enjoyed beating me sha :(. And those seniors too, with all their lie down fat, belt whipping, floor scrubbing, courtyard sweeping, morning duty, frog jumping, pole climbing punishments, *sighs*, sad memories, I hated them! And one used to make me wash his boxers!!! Imagine! that's equal to violation! Isn't it worse than being anally raped? Now you see why I'm so awkward. :(.
       And the king of the pain-in-the-butt routine.... University! And I went to add sand sand to my garri by choosing O.A.U., SAD!
       I got in happily in part1, thought it was like secondary school so I didn't read the O.A.U. way, (my roommates for reasons best known to them would disagree with that last statement), I didn't even know how about GP (yes, my elder ones are plain evil and didn't care enough to orientate me) I don't have to tell you that I messed up majorly, oh no, I didn't fail :p (HAYTAHH!). Then second semester came, started reading like crazy, and guess what, results became worse! (still didn't fail tho, :p I still haven't till now, hooorbii), one would have expected I reaped the fruit of my labor, yeah right, isn't it O.A.U? I have friends who have hd extra since part2 (purely fictitious oo remember, please don't punch me if you think this is about you, it's a coincidence, I'm sorry).
       On a serious note, it isn't just my school, some people's secondary school were way worse than mine, some were abused for real (yes, my friends and I are that damaged) (shhh, fictitious). Heard a dude committed suicide in UNIBEN, one tried to drink Hypo after failing UTME in O.A.U predegree, even a friend of mine was contemplating suicide here in O.A.U.
       But it's school for Christ's sakes, not that it should be fun or anything but it definitely shouldn't be this much of a burden, I'm not saying we shouldn't be serious or anything but we all watch foreign movies, we see how college is over there, why is it so hard over here? Who says we can't learn and have fun doing it? We are young, we just want to  have fun while we still can, have the time of our lives, is that too much to ask for?

Wednesday, 4 July 2012


Errrm.... considering that the few friends I have are awfully close, I should just be diplomatic and post my brother's or sister's picture instead....... but that would be a lie, and I hate lies

      Meet AK, he's my best friend, he knows. Now one makes me laugh half as much as he does, he's the only one that makes me laugh when I'm angry or/and sad(which happens a lot). You see, we grew up together so he's more of a brother. I hate him 'cause the goat is so gonna gloat when he sees this, he's worth it tho. No, this is not gay, if that crossed your mind you are a castrated cow! He's my bruv.